Four months yesterday, marked by a visit from two of Maura's best friends. I truly thank them for spending time with me. They are a connection to Maura that I treasure. Kara and I shopped and cooked a vegetarian feast. Before she came I was in a puddle of tears, and I started right up again the second she and Katie left.
Aaagghh! This has been a particularly weepy week. I miss her so much.
I think I am becoming pitiable. I didn't want that. Maybe it's inevitable.
i cried through this whole song today in church. I miss her so much. It's by Chris Tomlin.
ReplyDeleteThere is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling
How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne
Hi Erin,
ReplyDeleteI cannot even begin to imagine how hard the last couple of years and especially the last four months has been on you and your family. I am truly sorry for your loss.
I envy and admire the amazing strength and faith that you and your family has shown in the months prior to and after the loss of your beautiful youngest daughter.
It takes a very special person to grieve and mourn and still be able to offer encouragement, love, and support towards others.
Thank you for being such an inspiration to not just me, but to those who read your blog, and those you encounter in everyday life.
There is an old yiddish proverb:
ReplyDelete"Friends help; others pity"
From what I read on this blog and the friends and family surrounding you, you have nothing but love and help and have no need to surround yourself with the outsiders and strangers that pity.
I doubt very much that you are pitied by others. Admired for your strength to carry on in the midst of incredible pain. Respected for the grace with which you have handled Maura's illness and loss. Revered for your faith during a harsh and uncompromising challenge. And loved by all who are touched by your story and your example.
ReplyDeleteI think what we feel is empathy. . . a certain connection with the pain you are experiencing, and a distinct desire to help you cope and adjust. And, at least for me, a bit of anger that a mother would have to learn to adjust to life without her precious child.
You are an example to all of us. Your faith, your sadness, your determination, your ability to reach out and share....
You may be weakened by the overwhelmingly emotional roller coaster ride you are on. But you are definitely not weak.
Be gentle with yourself, as you would anyone who is hurting and who is finding her way in such an unnatural journey.
I agree 100% with what Sue said.
ReplyDeleteListen to her, she knows of what she speaks :)
By the way, I loved your getting through classes survival tips.