Here's the truth: Right now, the number one reason I want to go to Heaven is not to see Jesus or to share in God's everlasting happiness. I don't get excited about spending eternity singing praises of the Most High. I don't think about Heaven as a place where there will be no more evil or sorrow or pain. In my head I know it's all true, but I don't care. Not now. Now, the only thing that thrills me about Heaven is Maura. I'll get to see Maura again. And I know that God understands how I feel, and I can't imagine that I will ever feel differently. But I can wait. And so can God.
Steven Curtis Chapman suffered the tragic loss of his daughter last year, shortly after Maura got sick. At that time, I had to turn off the radio because it was too painful and frightening to listen to all the condolences pouring in to the Christian radio station that I listen to.
The video below is a song he wrote for his little girl that expresses similar feelings to mine. In a subsequent YouTube video, he talks about how the song came about.
About Me
- Erin
- This is a picture of my daughter, Maura. She died from metastatic high-grade unclassified sarcoma* on May 19, 2009 at the age of 22. For one year I wrote about her journey with cancer. I don't know if I'll keep writing now or if I'm done. We'll just take it a day at a time. *Sarcoma is a little-known, under-researched, under-funded cancer. To contribute directly to research please consider giving a gift directly to: MD Anderson Cancer Center- Donations, PO Box 4486, Houston TX 77210-4486 ****(Please write "In memory of Maura de Souza " in the memo portion of the check to make sure it goes directly for sarcoma research.)
2 comments:
Oh Erin,
I cannot tell you how much you and Maura have helped strengthen my faith. I'm just a friend of a friend who has never had anyone close to me die. It's such a paralyzing fear that I wont be able to handle it when it comes my way. That my faith will disappear, that my body will shut down...
I know it has been difficult for you. I know that "difficult" is a major understatement. I know that some days you take so many steps backwards that you can't see anything ahead anymore. But - I also see the faith. It is so beautiful. Thank you for that.
I have heard this song on the blog of another mother who lost her daughter this past year to Osteosarcoma. If you can stomach it, look up a song called "He's my Son" Brings me to tears and I am a rock n roll kinda girl.
Post a Comment