Earrings

Someone complimented me for my funky, blue-green, fish earrings.
I blurted out, "Yeah, that's how I know that I'm getting better--because I started to wear my earrings again."
What?
I had not consciously thought that, but as soon as I said it, I knew it was true.
I have a great collection of cheap, gaudy earrings. The bigger and cheaper, the better. I am proud that most items in my collection cost less than $2.00. I hang them on a piece of embroidery plastic that I fixed up and placed on my wall like a piece of art.
My collection is nothing compared to Maura's. She was the Earring Queen. I was merely her Handmaiden. After she died, I'm not quite sure what I did with her earrings. Certain ones she had willed to certain people. I know I gave some away, but I can't really remember doing it. It's amazing how much I still don't remember from the months after her death.
But I know that a few pairs belonging to Maura are now on my earring board.
I don't remember when I stopped wearing them. I think it was during her illness. I lost interest. And afterwards, well, there was no joy in wearing them. Wearing flashy earrings for me is like wearing high heels for Elsa(red ones) and Michelle. They are fun, pretty, and make me feel good.
But I didn't feel good.
Earrings bring me small joys, but I didn't want to be joyful.
Because being joyful means I've forgotten Maura.
Duh, of course I know that is not true. But feelings are feelings. Sometimes it's just better to let them be rather than try to explain or understand them. They seem to work themselves out most of the time.. .
In any case, I've started wearing them again. Golden grass discs from Brazil. Red hot chili peppers from Italy. Dangling dyed fish scales. Beads and bark and seeds. Feathers and wind-catchers. Wires and colored stones and bamboo.