Tuesday, July 7, 2009


I think bittersweet describes so much in my life right now.
I have enjoyed having Lydia here, discussing wedding plans, being a family.
I've enjoyed the thought of returning to the college in a new role, once again working with students instead of in administration. Oh, what a relief that is!
The 4th of July saw the resurgence of our family tradition: we hung out at the park, everyone dispersing to do as they pleased, while Mom cooled herself on the blanket with iced tea and a good read. At dusk, the Houston Symphony Orchestra played a patriotic concert. As always, the concert concluded with the 1812 Overture, complete with cannons and revolutionary soldiers. As always, the orchestra played The Stars and Stripes Forever as its "spontaneous" encore. And then, a fireworks display.
Oh, and Bianca was bad. The other dog owners at the park pretended to be tolerant and lovey-dovey, but you know they were thinking,"Get your dog in line, lady!" But I had my revenge. When she licked them, I didn't tell them that she eats poop.
A difficult yet precious moment? Maura's best friend arrived wearing a favorite dress of Maura's.
Remember that song from The King and I? ...Make believe you're brave/And the trick will take you far/You may be as brave/As you make believe you are (and then there is a bunch of happy tune-whistling). That's me. I can smile and laugh without faking it part of the time.
But the hole in my heart is cavernous, and sometimes I feel like all my blood flows through that hole, pooling at the soles of my feet, leaving me weak and lead-footed.


Anonymous said...

i know this feeling very well. there's always beauty hidden beneath the pain. sometimes i feel like i need a backhoe to find it, though.

Anonymous said...

Your writing gives me chills, Erin.
God Bless

Anonymous said...

I agree but chills in a good, inspiring amazing way. You are incredible with your words & I hope it helps to heal you as I'm sure it's helping so many others. My thoughts & prayers are always with you & everyone who is missing Maura & dealing with the punch of grief..