Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Sisters



A small group of colleagues meet once a month at the college to support each other through their grief. Today I attended and  met a woman who recently lost her identical twin sister.  I will never understand the bond of twins, but the thought of losing my sister brings to mind a different pain from that of losing a child. Equally horrific, but different (So, my sister had better take care of herself!). My two living daughters have suffered the loss of their baby sister. My first-born lost her baby sister, but she was also a second mom to Maura, so the loss is maternal as well as sisterly. The second daughter lost her baby sister and her status as the middle child. She spent a good 20 years wailing about the trials and tribulations of being a middle child, but now that the status has been taken away from her by force, she is at a loss for how to be. Mostly, they just miss Maura. Like me, like my husband, they struggle to create a life that doesn't include a flesh and blood Maura. And, while virtually everyone is sympathetic when one loses a child, we don't accord the same rights and privileges to those who lose a brother or sister.  After only three months, a lot of people expect them to be "over it."  Mourning is much lonelier for them.

3 comments:

Lydia Medeiros said...

we still need to get this framed for you. actually, the one we chose is on Maura's computer. and you're right. mostly, I just miss Maura. like all the time. Like now. and the moment before and 10 to 1 the moment after. Yep. the moment after too.

Seana said...

God bless you and your sweet girls! I can't imagine any of your grief, still praying for you guys :-)

SLY said...

I have three younger sisters. And a younger brother too. And I can't even begin to imagine what Danielle and Lydia are experiencing. I just know what its like to love my sisters. And I know the pain I feel when they feel pain or the joy I feel when they feel joy. Today I found a video of my 4 year old sister when she was 2 years old singing a song and dancing and as I watched it I fell in love with her all over again. And if at times, what Lydia experiences is the absence of experiencing that joy on a daily basis.... God help us. Death fucking sucks.