Wednesday, September 2, 2009


A small group of colleagues meet once a month at the college to support each other through their grief. Today I attended and  met a woman who recently lost her identical twin sister.  I will never understand the bond of twins, but the thought of losing my sister brings to mind a different pain from that of losing a child. Equally horrific, but different (So, my sister had better take care of herself!). My two living daughters have suffered the loss of their baby sister. My first-born lost her baby sister, but she was also a second mom to Maura, so the loss is maternal as well as sisterly. The second daughter lost her baby sister and her status as the middle child. She spent a good 20 years wailing about the trials and tribulations of being a middle child, but now that the status has been taken away from her by force, she is at a loss for how to be. Mostly, they just miss Maura. Like me, like my husband, they struggle to create a life that doesn't include a flesh and blood Maura. And, while virtually everyone is sympathetic when one loses a child, we don't accord the same rights and privileges to those who lose a brother or sister.  After only three months, a lot of people expect them to be "over it."  Mourning is much lonelier for them.


Lydia Medeiros said...

we still need to get this framed for you. actually, the one we chose is on Maura's computer. and you're right. mostly, I just miss Maura. like all the time. Like now. and the moment before and 10 to 1 the moment after. Yep. the moment after too.

Seana said...

God bless you and your sweet girls! I can't imagine any of your grief, still praying for you guys :-)

SLY said...

I have three younger sisters. And a younger brother too. And I can't even begin to imagine what Danielle and Lydia are experiencing. I just know what its like to love my sisters. And I know the pain I feel when they feel pain or the joy I feel when they feel joy. Today I found a video of my 4 year old sister when she was 2 years old singing a song and dancing and as I watched it I fell in love with her all over again. And if at times, what Lydia experiences is the absence of experiencing that joy on a daily basis.... God help us. Death fucking sucks.